Any tomb you can raid,
I can raid better!
I'm the tomb raider-
-wow, that's a cool name...

Anything you can steal,
I can steal better.
All of your treasures are
Safer with me.

I can take care of myself!
Think this'll look good on my shelf?

Try looking from
My point of view...
That anything you can do, certainly I can do, too!

Any map you can read,
I can read better-
Reading the room is not
One of your strengths...

No, it's not.
Get your own.
Can't we talk?
Buy a phone.

Lara!
Nathan!
Have some-
Faith in-
Me and my cartography skills!

Any thug you can kill,
I can kill softer!
Violence is silent
When I'm on the job~

Gotta be quick!
And sharp-eyed!
He's not dead...
Well, I tried.

And no one will know how this badguy died,
...'cuz no one's as stealthy as me!
Shhh!

I can survive in most
Any condition!

Dispose of a stiff
With no morgue or mortician-

All of your loot combined-
-pales to what I can find!
You're just a
Knock-off of me!

Any shorts you can wear,
I can wear shorter!
My shorts are shorter than
Your ugly pants!

Short as these?

Honey, please~

I can wear
Any pair
In a squeeze!

Any punch you can take,
I can take harder!
I'll get hit anywhere
Harder than you!

Anywhere you can hide,
I can hide also!

We're gonna die and it's
All been your fault!

No, it's not!
Yes, it is!
Move your boot!
Mine or his?

No one rolls
With such elegant ease!
Blows holes
In my enemies' knees!

You're a
Thorn in my side
And we just about died
Cause you just can't abide
That I'm better than you!

Anywhere you can climb,
I can climb higher!
I can climb anyplace
Higher...than... you!