Lately I’ve been really stressed out I have done many dumb things
Like leaving a show cos someone in the front row spilled a drink
And walking round naked while photographers snapped pics of my peen
Then claiming I was a victim of shrinkage
My manager told me to make a song to apologize
He told me to act like my life is hard so people empathize
Then he said to look at the camera and made sad puppy dog eyes
Cos it would make my teen girl fans feel bad for me

When I publicly say I’m sorry
Everyone will instantly forgive me
And once they do that
I can get away with anything
So once I’ve said I’m sorry, I did bad
I can go back to being a douchebag

I’m sorry…
Yeah…
Sorry…
Yeah…
Sorry…
I can act like a total piece of shit
As long as I say I’m sorry for it

I could seduce a hot mom and talk her into intercourse
Tell her to leave her husband for me and cause her to get divorced
[Instructions For Starting your Divorce, Legal Separation or Nullity]
Then when I bail it’s ok as long as I express remorse
I’ve forgiven for ruining her family

Eh…
I could punch a bum in the tummy
And
I could eat your food if it’s yummy
Wow these fries are good
I could even kick someone’s baby
As long as I pretend I feel regret
I could beat an old man with a baguette

I’m sorry…
Yeah…
Sorry…
Yeah…
Sorry…
I just saw Star Wars The Force Awakens
Now I’ll tweet out spoilers of how it ends

Oh… wait! Hold on… I’m sorry, man. I’m sorry, don’t do it. No!

I’m sorry…
Yeah…
Sorry…
Yeah…
Sorry…
Hey I said sorry Kylo what the fuck?
Now put my head back on you stupid schmuck!