[Shani Shousterman:]
Uh-huh, honey.

[Kanye West:]
This video might be the worst thing in history.
Even worse than when I asked Kim to marry me.
Bound.

[Shani Shousterman:]
Douchebags in love

[Kanye West:]
Bound.

[Shani Shousterman:]
Douchebags in love
Uh-huh, honey.

[Kanye West:]
Why am I inside a 90's screensaver?
These backgrounds look like old Windows wallpaper
I'm losing my brain
This concept is trash
Why the hell am I dressed up like a lumberjack?
I know that I'm a narcissistic psycho
Ignorant, going on rants at every show
Even the president said I'm a jackass.

[Barack Obama:]
It's a true fact
The whole country knows that.

[Kanye West:]
I think I'm a lyrical genius, but why?
Most of the lyrics in this song would make Pac cry.
And how come Kim look like a wannabe J Lo?
Only thing bigger than her ass is my ego. (Uh-huh, honey.)
Uh
I'm so childish
If you critique me I'll fuckin lose it
Throw a tantrum like a five year old kid
And that's the reason why
I am a gay fish.

[Charlie Wilson:]
Kim K
And Kanye
Together
Is damn sure
To make the world throw up
Please save us god (Uh-huh, honey.)

[Kanye West:]
This just turned into a gross sex tape
You might as well call me the new Ray J
But hey, that's how Kim got famous
I mean damn, might as well show off her only true talent
Yes, you named our Kimyaby Northwest
And yes, it's because we're smug and mindless. (Uh-huh, honey.)
But hey, who wouldn't want their first kid
To be named after a direction?
And I think that I am the black Jesus
Why you think I named my new album Yeezus?
Now it's my time to die for your sins
Watch out god here comes Kanye bitch. (Uh-huh, honey.)

[Charlie Wilson:]
Kanye
Is dead now
He's flying
Through the clouds
This is really messed up
Heaven is fucked. (Uh-huh, honey.)

[God:]
And this year's Lifetime Achievement Award goes to...

[Jesus:]
Nelson Mandela.

[Nelson Mandela:]
Thank you so much! I've always dreamed what it would be like to win one of these.
But I never actually thought it would happen. Thank you so very!

[Kanye West:]
Yo, Nelson. I'm really happy for you. I'm-a let you finish. That I just wanted to say, I should've won this award.
If I lived in '95, I would've been the greatest person of all time. Of all time!

[Jesus:]
Are you fucking kidding me?!

[God:]
I have no idea how he even got up here!

[Kanye West:]
What the?! Where the hell am I?!

[Taylor Swift:]
Well, well, well. If it isn't Kanye West!

[Kanye West:]
Taylor Swift?! You were the devil?!

[Taylor Swift:]
Ha ha ha ha ha ha HAA!! That's right! I've been waiting for this moment ever since the 2009 VMAs!! HAAA ha ha ha ha ha ha ha HAA!

[Kanye West:]
Oh, shit!