[RICH:]
Freshman year
I didn't have a girlfriend or a clue
I was a loser just like you
Good times would only
Soar by
I was gross
As every female would attest
My sexting was a futile quest
My little penis was depressed
He was so lonely
Poor guy
I was
Hopeless, hopeless
I was
Helpless, helpless
Every time I'd walk the hallway
I would trip
I was
Stagnant and idle
I was
So suicidal
And then
Then, then
Then, then
Then, then
Then, then
Then, then
Then, then I got a Squip

[JEREMY:]
You got quick?

[RICH:]
Not quick
Squip

[JEREMY:]
I've just never heard of it before

[RICH:]
Yeah, that's the point!
This is some top-secret, can't-even-look-it-up-on-the-internet shit

It's from Japan
It's a gray, oblong pill
Quantum nanotechnology CPU
The quantum computer in the pill will travel through your blood until
It implants in your brain and it tells you what to do

[JEREMY:]
So...
It's like...
Drugs?

[RICH:]
It's better than drugs, Jeremy

It's from Japan
It's a gray, oblong pill
Quantum nanotechnology CPU
The quantum computer in the pill will travel through your blood until
It implants in your brain and it tells you what to do
It tells you what to do
It's preprogrammed
It's amazing
Speaks to you directly
You behave as
It's appraising
Helps you act correctly

[RICH