Kenneth Clarke's beard's a wondrous place
There are thousands of people who live on his face
There are schools for the children and homes for the old
When you live in a beard, you never get cold!

There's a theme park, a circus, a lake and a zoo
On Kenneth Clarke's beard there's just so much to do!
I live in a place that's never been sheared
Yes, I live in Kenneth Clarke's beard

[Interlude]

Chorus everybody!

[Mumbling]... a lake and a zoo
On Kenneth Clarke's beard, there's just so much to do!
I live in a place that's never been sheared
Yes, I live in Kenneth Clarke's beard!
No, I live in Kenneth Clarke's beard!
No no, no... I live in Kenneth Clarke's beard