Oh yeah, gold digger took my money
Dipped my heart and hands in honey
Oh, snake lady stole my savings
Told gold digger she was having my babies

Well, gold digger swung, snake lady fell
Yeah, took gold digger up to Chapel Hill
I married her fast; murdered her young
Took my money back and made my run

Well, bus driver, all in red
Go pull this bus over and end up dead
Go drive this bus down to Mexico
Park it on the cliff where that good grass grows

Until a chopper came along one sunny day
To burn my crops, lock me away
Girl, I'm eager, young, and qualified
Got a date with that chair, oh, in late July

Oh yeah so, my momma, old and grey
Sittin' at her home, just a-weepin' away
Her only boy, washed down the drain
Gonna take her son and lock him away
Well, momma should be proud of me
I lived like a man, oh, I'll die like a king
Cause I'm eager, young, and qualified
Got a date with that chair, oh in late July

My pappy old and fat
Chewin' his cigars with his hair slicked back
Roll him over, beat him black
Say it's from that boy he never had
Well, papa should be in my place
To fry like bacon, hang like lace
Cause I'm eager, young, and starry-eyed
Got a date with that chair, oh in late July

Oh yeah so, big Betty, my old squeeze
Kissed you so good you go weak in the knees
Come to see your old man pop
I wanna have you there when my big heart stops
Don't you worry, don't you fret
I won't die with no regrets
Oh, the big leagues call and I reply
"I got a date with that chair, oh, in late July"