It's 2018 which means everybody's offended by everything
Don't worry, I got a way to fix it

Feel like you're offended everyone these days?
Feel like you're losing friends no matter what you say?
There's a way to say offensive thing and not look bad
Just say these little 2 words and no one's allowed to be mad

You're annoying, go away!
No offense!
You smell like a wet bandaid!
No offense!
Your mama is really lame!
No offense!
You've got a saggy face!
No offense!

See? I said these offensive things, but I'm in the clear
So, go ahead and say anything you want to, my dear
No consequences, no apologies, you're totally cool!
Apparently 2 words can help you get away with being a tool!

I hope you get a paper cut!
No offense!
Even your grandma thinks you suck!
No offense!
Your face looks exactly like your butt!
No offense!
I bet comic sans is your favourite font!
No offense!

I'm so happy we have this new phrase to save us all from getting hate
Cuz there are some people who get defensive about these next things that are really offensive
Seriously. People get more offended by the things I'm about to say than anything else in the entire world
Cause they're extremely offensive... get ready!

Being racist isn't okay
No offense!
Wearing pink doesn't make you gay!
No offense!
Girls should have equal pay!
No offense!
Sexual harassment is never okay!
No offense!

See? I told you. So offensive
Everybody get defensive
Oh, just kidding! You can't protest
Cause I said 'No offense'
No offense