If I send you flowers and ask you to dine
If I tell you how I feel over burgundy wine
If I whisper your name in some fake foreign accent
Would that be the same as sexual harassment?

If I try to kiss you, and hold you tight
If I reach over behind you and turn down the light
If I dream about you and me much more than I ort
Would you my dear, take me to court?

If I call you upon the telephone
And I discreetly ask when you will be home
If I went on leaving my hat in your foyer
Reckon should, I hire me a lawyer?

If I fall in love what should I do?
How could I not come on to you
Is this serious, or is it silly
Or should I plan on pleading guilty

If I fall in love, and I'm slap out of luck
This next line has been bleeped from the song
If I ask you to be anything short of my wife
Will I face forty years to life?