Can we get some lighting that evokes, a kind of, uh, unrequited love sentiment, please?
That's great.

G'day, my name's Tony. On behalf of myself and the coachline I'd like to thank you for choosing to drive with us today. If you got any question, don't hesitate just to sing out. If you look out to the right there you'll see the bronze of Bluey; a local sheepdog who became a member of Regional Council. It was a bloody great day for dogs. To your left there you'll see- uh, you'll see the local town wanker, John Thompson.
G'day John!
Bloody wanker... hahahaha. Nah he's alright.

The town hall
Another mosaic wall
Well there are 5,600 tiles on that wall
I know, I counted them all
A local school
A local swimming pool
That was opened by the Governor General
Back in 1952
Well I was caught with a friend aged 11
Sniffing tractor fuel
We thought we were pretty cool
Breaking them changing shed rules

But do you see up there?
The banner hanging in the air?
That's the Presbyterian Fair
Well, I never go
There's too many Presbyterians there
But if you're interested
The fair's in the third weekend
Of August every year
But don't bother entering the raffle
It's always won by some kid of the Mayor

Look to your left, what a beautiful sight
It's Paula, Paula Thompson, née Paula Wright
Look at her hair, it's still gorgeous, even now
Flowing like the Womahonga River
Which incidentally is to your right
And it's the largest in the area
In terms of volume
Everybody, look at Paula, look at Paula Thompson
I always thought I'd marry Paula
But some things just don't work out that way

Well, that's the most important thing
You'll learn on the tour today
That, and the fact there'll be a toilet break
At the information center near the manmade lake
Come on!

I'll just ask you one favor, if you do see Paula in town later on I'd appreciate if you didn't mention the details of my tour. Same goes for my wife, Gloria. You'll recognize her 'cause she looks a hell of a lot like Paula. She often gets mistaken for Paula, but, um, well, she's not Paula, that's for sure.

Paula Thompson, born in '54
To a family of four
To the family next door
Take me back next door
Paula Thompson, née Paula Wright
That's her old house, number 39
Number 41 was mine
If this old coach could go back in time
I'd drive to 1979
Take me back...
Take me back, take me back
(Take, take, take, take me back)
Take me back, take me back
(Take, take, take, take me back)
Take me back, take me back
Come on, take me back
Oh take me back, please take me back
Take me back

Sorry about that. Sorry about that. Got a little carried away there. It's a very emotion intersection for me. Took a wrong turn there, about 29 years ago. But that's the end of the tour so... enjoy your stay, mind your step, and, uh, good on ya.