Well, the situation's this
I do not wish to offend
I divorced my wife, I left my child
And I ran off with a friend
But I want a tight-knit family
I want a group that harmonizes
I want my wife and kid and friend
To pretend time will mend
Our pain

So it's 1979, and we don't go by the book
We all eat as one, wife, friend and son
And I sing out as they cook
I love my tight-knit family
I love the way they cook linguine
Isn't it great? We're all so swell
Such a dear clientele

I swear we're gonna come through it
I fear we'll probably fight
But nothing's impossible, live by your wit
Kid, wife and lover will have to admit
I was right, I cushioned the fall

I want it all, I want it all
I want it
I want it all

Sit down, my dear, I hear you have a problem
I'm sure you're not disgusting or indiscreet
Take a load off your feet
Thank you
Happy or sad? Well, I
That's a question with no answer
Let's not discuss the weather, let's face the facts
Marvin's wife must relax

Love isn't sex
That's a thing my husband once told me
Marvin, my ex
You've seen him for years
Told me over the phone to tell you my fears
Do you only treat queers?

No
Breathe deep, my dear, you'll find me understanding
Your pain is a priori
Unfold your untold story
Now to break bread, loosen your glands
Put your head in my hands

I'm everything he wanted
It's time I put it all together
The date was set, my father let me marry
I married, I
Then Marvin came from work, sat me down on the bed
He told me how he loved me
How he needed and/or valued me
"I have syphilis," he said
(What? Good)
"I have syphilis," it's true
(Yes, good)
I have something wrong which appeared though now it's well forgotten
Maybe, darling, so do you
I'm probably diseased
You're a lovely girl
And so easily appeased
What a lovely girl, though she's possibly diseased
He took pains to not excite us
He explained I'd hepatitis too
(Hepa-hepa-hepatitis, hepatitis, hepatitis)

Love is blind
Love can tell a million stories
Love's unkind
Spiteful in a million ways

Then I stayed home from work
Took good care of my men
They faked despair, they wet their bed, they combed their hair
They acted dead, one said
(Yes?)
"Daddy is a prick"
What?
Yes?
(He said)
"Daddy isn't mine"
He filled my coats with candies and notes
With, "Will you be my Valentine?"
This gets harder to believe
You're a damaged girl
I've a scalpel up my sleeve
What a damaged girl
Do not ever slit your wrists
I've missed him, he's still missing
Don't make noise, but Daddy's kissing boys
Patty, Patty, Patty, Patty

Love is blind
Love can tell a million stories
Love's unkind
Spiteful in a million ways
Love is blind
Love can tell a million stories
Love's unkind
Spiteful in a million ways

Love is crazy, love is often boring
Love stinks, love is pretty often debris when you find what you find
Then never, never, never, never, never do it over again
(Love, love, love, love, love, love)
Love reads like a bad biography
All the names are changed to protect the innocent
Love is blind

My name is Mendel
I treat her husband
I think she's very insecure, but so am I
I've never married
Work, work is my passion
Or perhaps that's an alibi
Yeah, perhaps it is
Yeah, I don't care to discuss it
I think she's charming
I think she's needy
In just five sessions on my couch
She'll be like new

His name is Mendel
Return next Friday
I admit I admire you