Raised to be a lady by the golden rule
Alice was the spawn of a public school
With a double barrel name in the back of her brain
And a simple case of mummy-doesn't-love-me blues
Reality it seems was just a dream
She couldn't get it on with the boys on the scene

But what do you expect from a chick who's just sixteen
And hey, hey, hey (hey, hey, hey)
You know what I mean

All the young girls love Alice
Tender young Alice, they say
Come over and see me
Come over and please me
Alice, it's my turn today
All the young girls love Alice
Tender young Alice they say
If I give you my number
Will you promise to call me?
Wait 'til my husband's away

Poor little darling with a chip out of her heart
It's like acting in a movie when you got the wrong part
Getting your kicks in another girl's bed
And it was only last Tuesday
Oh, they found you in the subway dead
And who could you call your friends down in SoHo
One or two middle-aged dykes in a go-go

But what do you expect from a 16-year-old yo-yo?
And hey, hey, hey (hey, hey, hey)
Oh, don't you know?

All the young girls love Alice
Tender young Alice, they say
Come over and see me
Come over and please me
Alice, it's my turn today
All the young girls love Alice
Tender young Alice, they'd say
If I give you my number
Will you promise to call me?
Wait 'til my husband's away