Lost the remote, gotta change it by hand
Can't find the time, fell behind on plans
Ring lost in the drain, forced to buy a new one

Lost the plot of the thing, gotta start at the top
Can't find a handhold, fell to the ground
Life in the toilet, can I buy a new one?

Bought a pellet gun, purchased a mask
Arrived at the bank with an empty bag
Asked politely, "please lay on your fat bellies."

Waved the gun, people did what I said
Handed me cash, I was on my way
Someone screamed, but I said, "shhhh, please don't."

Then I rode my bike home
Then I rode my bike home

Made it through the door, but my roommate saw
Told him I was trying out for a role
"Desperate man 1" and I think I got the part