If I had my own way, you'd be with me here today
But I rarely have my own way, I guess that's why you're not here with me today
And the librarian said 'you can't buy no respect'
I said "hey lady, what can you expect when I'm lying on the floor?"

You're a lovely lady but you don't wanna be no girl of mine
Well, the only thing you ever done for me was help me waste my time
And I saw you at the funeral; you were standing there like a temple
I said "hi, how are you, hello" and I pulled up a casket and crawled in. Yes, I did

Climbed up a mountain, and I looked around... some kind of circus with all them clowns
I said 'hey wait a minute, can't we slow down a bit' and I almost got hit by a truck
Well, it just goes to show you that we're all on our own, scrounging for our own share of good luck
Stab your brother in the back and pick up your paycheck

Goodbye, lonely-heart drawings, you never did work anyhow
I'm looking for a nice girl and I don't want no cow
I'm heading out west; gonna find me the best
Well, I played the game, but I failed the test
If I can't be a lover, then I'll be a pest. Yes, I will...