This is a public warning, be careful when you're out
We're having freaky weather, there's a lot of it about
On the terraces it's swinging, he's a monkey on the roof
You've seen him on the telly, so let me introduce (Your host tonight)

T-O-P-M-A-N, he's naughty by nature
T-O-P-M-A-N, on doubles and chasers
T-O-P-M-A-N, he a little boy racer
T-O-P-M-A-N, shooting guns on the high street of love

In a crowd it's hard to spot him, but anonymity can cost
It's never cheap or cheerful, he's Hugo and he's Boss
He's riding through the desert on a Camel Light
And on a magic carpet, he'll fly away tonight (Open sesame)

T-O-P-M-A-N, he's naughty by nature
T-O-P-M-A-N, on doubles and chasers
T-O-P-M-A-N, he a little boy racer
T-O-P-M-A-N, shooting guns on the high street of love
T-O-P-M-A-N, sees her in double
T-O-P-M-A-N, and he pukes on the pavement
T-O-P-M-A-N, he likes her all clean and shaven
T-O-P-M-A-N, shooting guns on the high street of love

T-O-P-M-A-N, he's naughty by nature
T-O-P-M-A-N, on doubles and chasers
T-O-P-M-A-N, he a little boy racer
T-O-P-M-A-N, shooting guns on the high street of love

T-O-P-M-A-N, shooting guns on the high street of love
T-O-P-M-A-N, shooting guns on the high street of love
T-O-P-M-A-N, shooting guns on the high street of love
T-O-P-M-A-N, shooting guns on the high street of love
T-O-P-M-A-N, shooting guns on the high street of love
T-O-P-M-A-N
T-O-P-M-A-N