My stupid boyfriend can't find his own house on a map
My stupid girlfriend can make any question a trap
My stupid boyfriend wants mommy to pick up his room
My stupid girlfriend fills each day with impending doom

Oh, if only they'd come to a sudden end
Then you could be my stupid
Boyfriend/Girlfriend

My stupid girlfriend thinks sex is some kind of sin
My stupid boyfriend drinks only the stinkiest gin
My stupid girlfriend just mumbles in her private code
My stupid boyfriend takes any excuse to explode

Oh, if only they'd follow the overdose trend
Then you could be my stupid
Boyfriend/Girlfriend

My stupid girlfriend takes hours to make up her mind
My stupid boyfriend is always one sentence behind
My stupid boyfriend loves nobody more than himself
My stupid girlfriend's in love with her pet magic elk

We don't even like them so why pretend
When you could be my stupid
Boyfriend/Girlfriend

Oh, if only they'd come to a sudden end
Then you could be my stupid
Boyfriend/Girlfriend